What Rules and What Does Not Rule



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Some stuff rules.
Other stuff, doesn't.

James and Shehzaad hate stuff but kind of like other stuff too.

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What Does Not Rule:

The Wendy’s In Frederick, Maryland

- So it’s like midnight and we’re starving just outside of Baltimore, looking for a place to eat, when we all see a Wendy’s sign and get super stoked. We drive up to the drive-thru, hoping it’s open, and lo and behold, it is! There’s five of us in the van, so we start giving the lady on the speaker our separate orders, and then she tells us that she can only do two orders separately. I ask why, and she says that it will take too much time, as other customers may want to order. Take into account that we are in the middle of nowhere and absolutely no one is ever going to order anything from this place, aside from us. Also take into account that if five of us ordered on one bill, it would take the exact same amount of time, if not longer to sort out who has to pay what. Her solution to this was for us to drive around the drive-thru two more times to get our separate orders. My solution for her was putting a gun in her mouth and sparing herself the trouble of going through a life of hardships such as separating the orders of five starving men who just wanted a mother fucking JBC. I hope everybody in Frederick, Maryland dies some sort of awful, painful death.

-Shehzaad

12:36 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

Coconut M&Ms

- It’s exactly what you think it is, and it’s exactly as delicious as you think it is.

-Shehzaad

12:32 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

Using A TTC Day Pass For A Week

- Not only are you saving money, and not only are you awarded the convenience of having a real metropass, but you’re screwing over the TTC, which in itself is both a source of immense pleasure, and cause for applause for and from people like myself.

-Shehzaad

12:31 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

"Patio Season"

- I get that being outside is nice, but qualifying the appeal of good weather via the option to drink outdoors is sort of low brow. It’s not quite the same as, “Hey, it’s nice out, so I’m going to ride my bike!” or “Hey, it’s not snowing anymore, so let’s go to the beach!” is it? This is more like, “Hey, there’s a space about ten feet away from where I would normally sit to drink this beer, and it happens to be outside! I’m going to drink there now!” If all you’re going to do is get loaded, I don’t really think that counts as “enjoying the weather.” Get a life.

See also: “park beers.”

-Shehzaad

12:30 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

Getting Robbed

- Seriously. Fuck you.

-Shehzaad

04:36 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

People You Love Moving Away

- It’s stupid, and I wish they wouldn’t do that. They should really consider how this affects you before they make decisions like that.

-Shehzaad

10:36 am, by ruleage1 note

What Does Not Rule:

The Strokes

- Last year, I went on a bit of a rant about how The Strokes should not be allowed to become arena rock mainstays solely by virtue of their one good album, which will be ten years old this summer. Yet, here we are, and their fourth album is finally upon us, a gift from the cool gods for the Urban Outfitters generation to play at their loft parties and thrift store excursions. The band celebrated its release by playing a vaunted slot at South By Southwest and a hometown gig in the most hip, cutting edge bastion of gritty rock n’ roll - Madison Square Garden. What better venue to witness a band that was supposed to bring “real” rock music back to the forefront of pop culture?

Someone just posted this video on Facebook, and while at one point they would have seemed cool and filled to the brim with attitude, now they just strike me as tired and annoying. I can’t think of a once cool band that is more irrelevant and obsolete than The Strokes. First of all, the new album sucks. It’s the same, tired, bouncy crap that they’ve been doing for the past decade. Second, and more to the point, bands exactly like them have been trotting this stuff out ad nauseum in their absence. They are no longer needed to write fluffy bullshit pop songs under the guise of “indie rock.” Only every cool young band is doing that and has been doing that for, I dunno, let’s say ten years now.

Just like Broken Social Scene has been eclipsed by countless other “indie pop” bands with unnecessary members and “epic” songs, The Strokes are outflanked by dozens of imitators who, frankly, can write songs just as well as the New York quintet can - or could, anyway. That’s not to say that the imitators or the originators are any good. Quite the opposite - it just cements their utter irrelevance and proves their obsolescence.

Watching that video, I was reminded of a time where The Strokes’ pompous, carefree attitude was somewhat refreshing in the wake of boy/girl groups and nu-metal. They brought back the swagger, the piss and vinegar of rock n’ roll. Now, watching that video just makes me want to punch them. Every single look and gesture is so obviously put on, so unbelievably insincere that it’s hard to imagine that anyone fell for it in the first place. It appears especially dated when you consider the fact that every kid from the suburbs with a vest and a fedora who invariably moves to the city only to drop out of art school has started a band that sounds, looks and acts exactly like this. It hasn’t gotten better, only much, much worse. Why bother with the original when the clone is just as good - or bad, as it were?

The Strokes are frauds. Stop buying their records. Stop hyping up their shows. Stop paying attention to this bullshit. Stop making me write an annual rant about how much they suck. Find a new record to listen to for another ten years. Just this time, try to make it one that gets played by guys who look less like total assholes on stage.

-Shehzaad

11:20 pm, by ruleage1 note

What Rules:

"The Score" by The Fugees

- This album has had its fair share of praise heaped on it, and it certainly isn’t a hidden gem by any means. But unlike a lot of records that fade over time, The Score hasn’t aged a day in fifteen years, and even in the midst of dozens of other landmark albums from its time - it came out the same year as Stakes Is High, Legal Drug Money, Beates, Rhymes And Life, Reasonable Doubt, ATLiens, Illadelph Halflife and Ironman - it still stands head and shoulders above almost everything else. The production juggles grit and gloss without ever sacrificing one for the other, nearly every verse has a handful of quotable lines from each member, and even though the songs borrow hooks, they’re ingeniously and innovatively sampled and interpolated, never coming off as just “lifted” (a la the majority of mainstream rap that would follow).

It’s a real shame that the song the group is best known for is a cover, because that one (as well as the Bob Marley cut) are the only weak links in an otherwise perfect chain. The range and versatility the group showed here was (and still is) unparalleled, but to top it off, as ambitious a record as it is, they nail every style they attempt to tackle - hard gangsta raps (“Cowboys”), playful joke verses (“The Mask”), and soul-baring emotion (“Manifest”).

One of the crown jewels not only of the best era of hip hop, but an outstanding achievement for the genre as a whole. I’ll be damned if it’s even come close to being topped by anything or anyone around today.

-Shehzaad

01:22 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

Walnuts

- Things walnuts make way better: Muffins, banana bread, chocolates, cereal, pie, carrot cake, oatmeal… The list goes on. There’s never a time where walnuts make anything worse, that’s for sure. Unless you’re allergic to them. In which case they make things a LOT worse.

-Shehzaad

12:57 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

Finding Chunks Of Delicious Stuff In Your Ice Cream

- Nothing screams “Score!” like excavating a big chunk of cookie dough, or a praline, or an Oreo cookie, or a brownie out of your ice cream. It’s what you came for, and you’ve unearthed the treasure you’ve worked so hard to seek out. Victory is rarely sweeter than this.

-Shehzaad

12:53 pm, by ruleage