What Rules and What Does Not Rule


Some stuff rules.
Other stuff, doesn't.

James and Shehzaad hate stuff but kind of like other stuff too.



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What Does Not Rule:

Dumb Comments:

  • I’m not sure why there’s this compulsion to tell people they look tired. People know they’re tired. You’re not letting them in on anything. Plus, when you’re telling them that, what you’re really telling them is that they look bad. So again, preesh. And what if they’re not tired? They just look shitty and don’t even have fatigue to blame. And who asked you anyway? Maybe I’ll tell you how you look, like a mongoloid. See also: you sound awful, you look European, you smell like you’re from the Michigan area.

  • James

11:09 am, by ruleage1 note

What Does Not Rule:

Brown Jokes

- I think I’m pretty tolerant of racist jokes, and given my ethnic denomination, I’m usually on the receiving end of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a racist. It’s one of the few true pleasures I take in life. What I take offense with is flat out bad, uncreative, unimaginative jokes about my being brown. The thing about racist jokes is that it’s one of the easiest types of jokes you can make, and oftentimes, the fact that someone would even make the joke to begin with is the joke itself - kinda like when people call things “gay.” When you make a flat out bad racist joke, you’re dropping the ball on two counts: First, you’ve made an ass of yourself by being completely unfunny, and secondly, you come off sounding like an actual racist.

Like I said, I welcome and encourage racial humour at my expense, as long as it makes me laugh - and I’m a cut-up, so it’s not very hard to get a chuckle out of me. I’m more offended at the fact that someone would waste my time with a shitty joke than try to belittle my racial background. So, as a lover of both comedy and bigotry, here are some tips about what you can do to not make an ass of yourself in front of me.

Instead of calling me a “terrorist,” why not get specific with it? Referencing 9/11 can get some serious laughs, but if you don’t watch out, it just seems insensitive - both towards my feelings, and those of the thousands of people with dead family members as a result of the attacks. Bin Laden is played out. Let’s get topical - call me Gaddafi instead! Rather than ask where my turban is, inquire whether or not I parallel parked my magic carpet. We all know brown people eat curry, so why not make fun of butter chicken or saag paneer instead? That way, you’re not a generalizing racist, but a cultured humourist.

I hope this will help you white people with both your party etiquette, your couched racism, and with compensating for your white guilt.


04:03 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

Chris Brown Still Having A Career

- All jokes aside, I think it’s pretty absurd for this to be the case. The guy has faced virtually no repercussions or punishment for the assault and battery of a woman. It was also a woman that many people love and identify with in the media, so you’d think that would have a bit more of an impact on people (it shouldn’t matter either way, but for the sake of argument…). Instead, the guy has released two albums since then, and starred in major motion pictures. The fact that he even still has a record deal, the fact that anyone wants to interview him, let alone go to his concerts and watch his movies, is baffling to me. I hate to get all real on here, but it’s sending a pretty fucked up message to kids that this type of thing is okay. Celebrities have gotten persecuted in the media for a lot less, and yet the brutal assault of a woman is apparently just fine. Not only that, but he is the one who gets outraged that he has to talk about it in interviews? Doesn’t this tell you that the guy is maybe a little unstable mentally?

I don’t want to lend weight to the idea that artistic or creative credibility gives you a pass on something as heinous as beating a woman, but how did guys like Ike Turner and Michael Jackson get persecuted - until the day they died! - for the things they’d done? These are guys who changed the face of music. Who the fuck is Chris Brown? He’s not Curtis Mayfield. He’s not even Usher or someone like this. Who is he to throw a chair at a window and act as if it’s out of line to be asked about something terrible he’s done, as recently as two years ago?

From a music fan’s perspective, I’m not usually one to dismiss somebody’s art because of things they may have done in real life. Chinatown is one of my favourite movies despite Roman Polanski’s questionable romantic relations. Axl Rose is a drug abusing, girlfriend beating racist (among several other things), yet I still consider Guns N’ Roses to be one of my favourite bands. The difference here is that both Rose and Polanski were persecuted by the press - I can’t think of someone who’s been put down more than Axl Rose - and that both artists make art to be consumed by people old enough to be able to make the distinction between right and wrong. These are artists whose art is not marketed to pre-teen boys and girls. Ten year old kids aren’t trying to follow in Axl Rose’s footsteps (myself excluded). When you have a guy whose bread and butter comes from the Disney Channel, how is this okay - with his financial investors and with his fans? And, again, it’s not like the guy is an “artist.” He’s a dime a dozen pop star who could easily be replaced with another, less crazy, less okay with hitting girls teenager. I wanna reiterate that it doesn’t matter who you are, that hitting women is never okay - but who the fuck is Chris Brown and why is he still allowed to do anything?

The scary thing is that he has people supporting him, people accepting his apologies, apologists making excuses for what he did, and people going as far as to say that Rhianna maybe deserved it. Now, no one hates Rhianna’s music more than me*, but I don’t think I’d ever wish something like this on her, even after having to hear “Umbrella” seventy-five thousand times. The fact that Brown is allowed to go on making music with not even so much as a slap on the wrist from either the police or his record label or his management adds weight to the pervasive, frightening school of thought that a lot of people have - which is that women who are abused did something to “deserve it.” Let me tell you something: No one deserves that. No one “has it coming.” To hear this from ignorant males is one thing, but there are women who think this way, which strikes me as a horrible betrayal of… well, your humanity. For an abusive man to make excuses for a crime he committed in his head is par for the course, but for women to more or less take the side of the abusive man over a helpless woman is appalling. And this is exactly what the whole Chris Brown fiasco is perpetuating.

If Chris Brown did a tour where a stadium full of women could line up to punch him in the face, then it would be cool for him to continue his career. As it stands, though, fuck him, and if you listen to his music - even in an ironic way - fuck you, too. Draw the line somewhere.


*Arguably the worst thing Chris Brown has done is give Rhianna a new lease on her career by riding this controversy back to the top of the charts. He’s given her at least five more years to release shitty, shitty music. That affects all of us. Stand up for your rights, people.

11:12 am, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

Clicking “Not Attending” On Facebook Events

- If you don’t plan on going, why don’t you just remove the event from your list? Isn’t it kind of a dick move to show everyone how many people aren’t going to a particular event? Think of how the event organizer might feel about that. Sure, they may have invited their entire friend list or group or whatever, but simply removing it from your events means that you don’t get bothered at all. The same people who click “Not Attending” are the same people who complain that they get messages from these events. Hey, idiot - that’s because you are still on the guest list, and people are going to message you, and you’re still gonna hear about it. Learn how to use Facebook and do the right thing.


10:32 am, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

Groups Of Young Girls

- Now, I’m aware that a group of young boys is also annoying, but groups of young girls (and I mean up to the age of, like, 20) can reach a volume that males of any age bracket only wish they could hit. And what are they talking about? Bullshit. Just bullshit. This makes me sound sexist (and what’s wrong with being sexy?), but it’s an objective truth that groups of girls together in public are, by far, the most irritating people in the entire world. Yes, there is a certain innocence that makes it hard for some people to really hate them, but it isn’t hard for me, and I fucking hate them. Please shut up, forever. Or at least until the 54 gets to Eglinton Station.


12:47 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

"Kiss From A Rose"

- If there is a song with more soul and emotion, then I haven’t heard it, it isn’t called “Kiss From A Rose,” it’s not sung by Seal, and I could not give a shit about it. BAY-beyahhhhh….


10:21 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:


- Let’s get real here for a second: Cats are jerks. They’re cute sometimes. I don’t even dislike them, really. But they are definitely jerks. And anyone who likes a cat more than a dog is a jerk themselves. Who doesn’t like dogs? Who would rather hang out with a cat? That’s like preferring to hang out with a friend who doesn’t like you, never wants to hang out, and only wants your company unless you give them something. Cats can fuck off with their shitty attitudes.


12:32 pm, by ruleage

What Rules:

George Clooney in From Dusk Til Dawn

- Arguably his coolest role ever, and that’s saying a lot. I wish the Cloon would go back to playing a bad-ass anti-hero role like this one, instead of his calm and collected, ultra-cool-and-charming go-to role. I mean, any Clooney is good Clooney. I just wanna hear him say shit like, “Everybody be cool. You. Be cool.” And that tattoo! So dreamy.


12:02 pm, by ruleage

What Does Not Rule:

When Grocery Stores Have Every Other Type Of Honey Bunches Of Oats Except The One You Want

- Man, there’s almond, pecan, strawberry, vanilla (!?), and all this other malarkey, but no peach?! Go to hell! How am I supposed to start my day off right without this shit!? FUCK you, local grocers!


11:49 am, by ruleage

Who Rules:

Humphrey Bogart:

- He rules for many reasons.  This is one of them.

- james

08:46 pm, by ruleage